places

I want to be and I want to create and I don't know what the best path is to take. I don't know where I belong or if that is even a valid request to make in life. To belong somewhere, what is it exactly? My desire for belonging stems from a constant awareness of its lack in me. I feel no belonging in the physical sense but more existentially in the sense that I feel out of place, somehow at odds with the way I see things are supposed to be. All of this perception and callous reduction to values is the cause of it and it all stems from expectation. I desire more than anything to desire nothing more than anything and in the pursuit of it I've swallowed my tail.

Maybe its just hollywood movies and childrens storybooks informing my perception of good and evil and the naive idea that there can be separated entities with such names. The desire for black and white, a reduction of ambiguity and the erasure of nuance is what drives my most regrettable decisions and actions.  The pursuit against that pursuit of ignorant bliss is what brings me here. I fear for myself and those impacted by myself if I cannot catch the reigns before I lose the chance. Some virtue or lack thereof brings with it consequences of the highest degree and as such the pursuit of genuine philosophical endeavors is of the utmost urgency and importance.